5 weeks old

These posts get shorter and shorter and farther between and with fewer pictures. That is because your mommy is very tired little boys. And busy. Sooooo busy. But she loves you very much and is proud of you both. You are both becoming more attentive and alert, and spend more time awake. It has been very pretty lately so we have spent a lot of time outside. Today we went to the park with Aunt Tess and cousin Noah. What fun! In a few months i daresay that become a very common occurrence. I love you my little boys!
-mom

4 weeks old

Little Boys,
You are four weeks old today. I   cannot   believe  it. It seems like you were just in my belly, but I look at you and realize that time is getting further and further away (I realize it when I look at myself too, I don't look so miserable!) Today at your doctors appointment, you both had gained about 8 oz. Max, you now weigh 5lbs 15 oz, and Xander you weigh 5lbs 6.75 oz. You both wore newborn sized outfits to your appointment and looked soooo cute! This was the first week we spent without Daddy. It was a hard week, but some very special people came to help. You love all of your grandparents and your aunt Allyson and aunt Tessa very much. Of coarse you love Mommy best though. You have been staying up more, Xander during the day, and Max at night. Need to get you two on the same schedule of staying awake! I love you boys very very much.
-Mommy (2-18-2011)

Mommy is soo sleepy.

My dear sons,
Could you please coordinate fussing times and do it together? Because this Alexander cries for 1.5 hours then Max cries for 1.5 hours, then you both want to eat, then it starts all over thing is not working for Mommy. At all. She might accidentally feed you to each other or something if she doesn't get some sleep soon. Love you both lots.

 Mom

3 weeks old

Today you two are three weeks old. Wow. I can't believe it! You are already changing so much. This week you "graduated" from the NICU diapers they sent us home with. You are now wearing the newborn diapers that we got at baby showers. I admit, I almost cried when I opened the package and saw elmo on the diaper. Up until now your diapers have just been plain, with no characters or anything. It just felt to me like your were big boys in big boy diapers. And you graduated from the tiny breastmilk storage bottles that we have fed you with since birth. They only hold 80 milliliters. And sometimes you eat 90-100, so we moved up to 4 oz bottles, that are admittedly as big as your heads. I think I'll cry when you move past those. (Although I might have to soon, because sometimes I have to stop pumping earlier than 15 minutes  so that I don't overfill them- speaking of which, we have quite the store of breastmilk going on!) And, this one is really crazy, today was the last day you'll be wearing your monkey outfits, because you're getting too tall. You've outgrown something! Not to worry though, all of the other preemie clothes fit you, and you still swim in newborn clothes. I think in the next few weeks we might get to move up though.

You started out this week with a photoshoot in your monkey outfits. Miss Jeanie did such a great job taking pictures of all the cute things you do!

Today, you had your second Doctors appointment, and I'm so proud of you! Alexander, you now weigh 4lbs15 oz and Max, you weigh 5lbs 6.8 oz! Time at home and mommy's milk seems to be doing you both some good! Now, if only you could stop vomitting up what we feed you, I'm sure you'll be chubby in no time. (Your doctor wanted me to put rice cereal in your bottle to help you stop spitting up. One of many things Mommy is going to have to tell the Doctor no about- at least she was fairly nice about accepting it) We have tilted your crib mattress and try to hold you upright as long as possible after eating to help you not spit up. I think maybe your bellies just have to get a little older and bigger. In the meantime, could we keep the projectile puke to a minimum (or save it for daddy!?) We tried out the moby wrap at the Doctor's office today. You both fussed getting in, but were very happy and content one situated. Mommy was happy too- what a break for her aching back!! The ladies at the doctors office thought you were so cute that they asked to take your picture. You are very cute. Just check out some of these pictures Miss Jeanie took of you!

Max and Alexander

Sweet Brothers

Mommy love you!

Alexander

My tiny boy

Whatcha worried about Max?

Max

May God bless you, my sweet boys.


 

My new heroes

For as long as I can remember I have counted the many parents of children who have Autism I know as my heroes. These moms and dads have sacrificed so much on a daily and long term basis in order to provide everything that they believe can help their children. They love their children with such fervor, and take such pride in each milestone. Milestones it takes some neurotypical children seconds, minutes or days to grasp, it takes these children weeks, months or years. Yet these parents just keep loving and supporting. Even when they are covered in poop, literally. Even when their child screams forever at walmart. Even when strangers give them "that look".  These people are amazing, and I swear they deserve superhero capes.


A few weeks ago, I found some new heroes. Their battles aren't usually as long lasting, however, these parents are every bit the fighter that parents of those with Autism are. They are the NICU parents. Parent who see their brand new babies hooked up to impossible amounts of tubes. Parents who can't hold or touch the little one that they fell in love with over the past several months of pregnancy. Parents who barely eat, sleep, or breathe for days, weeks, or months on end as they tirelessly spend every second possible doing whatever they are allowed to do for their child. Moms, who have to ask permission to touch their new baby. Dad's who have to watch as nurse place ivs and feeding tubes in their tiny little ones. Moms who pump their breasts raw in order to provide any amount of milk they can for their fragile little ones. Parents who leave the hospital, day after day, without that infant in their arms. DJ and I barely got a taste of this life, but let me tell you, it was the hardest thing I have ever done. The parents who were there longer than us, who had tinier babies than us, who had sicker babies than us, I just wanted to hug each and every one of them. What an initiation into parenthood. Some of them were so young. All of them were so tired, and scared. Yet in each one I saw insurmountable love. Heroes for parents, and these sick little ones need them.


The Lord allows every trial for a reason, I don't claim to know those reasons. But I do claim the verse that says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Because goodness, I have seen some people, who have done all things, and then some. Pray for those parents and children in these situations when you think about it, I know I do.

Alexander, January 21, 2011












Max January 21,2011

For sale

Here are several items I have listed for sale on craigslist.

2mhz doppler

angelcare baby monitor/ movement sensor

What to expect books

I feel like singing "happy birthday"

Today you two are 37 weeks. You are now considered term babies! In just a few more week I can start treating you like it. But for now, our preemie schedule is rather rigid. (I tell you boys, those NICU nurses scared mommy good, she doesn't want to do anything to hurt your development or growth.) We are on about a four hour schedule. We start with eating. Sometimes this takes one of you 15 minutes and the other an hour. We feed you, burp you, change your diapers, wipe your spit up, usually change your clothes because of the spit up, then change your diaper again because you pooped while we were cleaning the spit up, soothe the hiccups you both inevitably get, swaddle you tight and put you in your crib. If you are very sleepy you fall asleep, and sleep very hard. If you are awake you wiggle and roll about until your arms are free of your swaddle. Then you play with your hands and wack yourself in the face and stay awake for a little while. (which totally throws off the schedule) Once you are both in bed, Mommy pumps your next meal, plus a bottle or so for the freezer. Then Mommy and Daddy usually have about 2 or 2.5 hours to sleep, eat, shower, or do whatever they need to do. And then my dear little ones, whoever fell asleep like a good boy last time wakes up and we start all over (usually having to wake the other little guy up, since he started his nap late.) Right now you are both sound asleep. Daddy is too. Mommy might should be, but with a whopping total of 5 hours of sleep last night (not in a row of coarse) Mommy is feeling rather chipper.


You have been home for a week now. It has taken a lot of getting to know you to get things to run smoothly. Right now you both have such distinct personalities. They may change later, but right now:

Alexander: You are pretty easy going , unless we are cleaning you. I can't decide if this is because you like to be dirty, or just because you hate getting cleaned. And bodily functions. You get seriously angry when you sneeze little man, it's quite funny to me and daddy. Just like you shooting poopoo at your daddy was funny last night. You usually wake up second, but finish eating your bottle first. Most of the time you are ready to wake up by the end of feeding time. You lay wide eyed in bed, just taking in the world. You are so handsome and sweet my little one, I wish I could just sit and hold you all day everyday!

Max: You are the momma's boy. You fuss over being dirty, and being cleaned, and being held wrong. And when you are about to puke, which is quite often. You are less of a hazard doing diaper changes. You usually keep things polite, between you and your diaper. You always wake up first, and are very demanding about being fed, in the right position, at the right temperature, with the right bottle nipple. If we get it right you are very pleased and eat like a champ. You are usually sound asleep by the end of feeding time (all that demanding gets tiring) and when mommy bundles you, for the most part you stay good and bundled. You are a little snuggler, preferring to be on your belly against mine or daddy's chest. We both have such a hard time putting you in your crib. Oh, and you like your pacifier. You usually wake up at least once and are consoled back to sleep by it.

You both are such blessings to me and Daddy, we just stand over your crib and marvel at how beautiful and precious you are to us. You both love each other, you usually try to scoot closer to each other in bed when we put you down. Yesterday you had your pictures taken and enjoyed snuggling naked together a little too much; you got mad about being dressed back up!

We have about a week left where it's just you guys, me and daddy. He has to go back to work, and boy are we going to miss him. Anyway ya'll could learn to nurse together by then, so we can keep you feeding on the same schedule? You work on that, and I'm gonna go work on eating and cleaning up your room. I love you little boys.
-Mommy

Once upon a time (A Birth Story)

Once upon a time there lived a man and his wife, who desperately wanted to have a baby. They tried and tried, but had no luck. Then they went to a wonderful Dr, and prayed and fasted, and God allowed the wife to become pregnant with twins. With Alexander and Max. It was the biggest blessing anyone could ask for. The wife had a ridiculously awful pregnancy, and almost had they babies far too early. But the Lord protected them. The wife was reminded of her favorite verse Psalm 37:24, which promises that the Lord upholds the righteous with His hand, even though they stumble, they wont fall. Even though the pregnancy was hard and awful, the Lord upheld them, through lovely people bringing meals,  through family willing to drop everything and help, through a few decent healthcare professionals, and His amazing grace. The wife spent far too much time at the hospital, it seemed like she got sent to triage at least 2 times per week at the end. But each time, she got to go home, or only stayed a day or two. Until the end. That time they wanted to keep her for a 24 hour test. That time the lab was backed up and the results did not come in for another 24 hours after it was sent. That time the test results revealed it was no longer safe for the wife or twins for her to stay pregnant. (The wife suspected this may be the case, as her feet and legs were swollen beyond recognition and her blood pressure was steadily rising despite tons of extra blood pressure medicine.)

So, at 8 am on Thursday, January 20, the doctor came in and said it was time to have some babies. They wheeled the wife away from her room to a new labor and delivery room (with an ugly view of a trash filled ditch and a mirror right across from the bed so the wife could see how awful and miserable she looked) Then the nice Doctor who had stitched the wife shut came to remove the stitch so the babies could come. Unfortunatley, he couldn't get it, and the iv medication was wearing off, so after much begging and pleading on his part, they went to an OR and she allowed an epidural to be placed (she requested it not be a student, but it hurt so badly she was pretty sure a student placed it) and the doctor took out the stitch. Then the wife asked for the epidural to be turned off so she could labor naturally. No one wanted to do this, but they did upon her insisting. Even though she had been having contractions for weeks, they started her on pitocin to allow the contractions to get strong. They did get stronger, and they hurt more, but she still wanted no part of the epidural. They begged her to let them put it back on. Then the Dr came and broke her water, and everything hurt way worse, and they begged her to get the epidural, and she said ok. And they said they would turn it right on, it would only take 15 minutes. 2 hours later, after her mother and the man chased down hospital administrators, they actually turned on the epidural. (And changed the iv that had infaltrated and her nurse ignored, and went home without changing) and the wife felt better for about 45 minutes. Then the epidural wore off.  All night she labored, and told them how it hurt, and every once in a while someone would come and put more medicine in the epidural, but the pain never went away. They also came in a lot to chase the babies around with the dopplers, because as little room as there was in there, the boys kept hiding from the monitors.

Finally, at 4:30 am the nurse announced the wife was at 10 cm. They had her push. They called the doctor. Everyone scrubbed in and they went to the OR. The wife was hurting very badly, but her legs couldn't move. She pushed and pushed. And then the Dr asked the nurse to come feel and look. It turns out the wife was only 5 cm dialated. So they wheeled her back to her room. And begged to place a new epidural since the one that was in wasnt working. She consented, but it hurt very badly. And she only got about 15 mins of relief. And her legs could move. She was ok  except for the horrible pain in her back from the stupid epidural. She decided she was done. But then the DR came and said if she didnt have a working epidural and they had to c section she would miss her babies birth. She really didnt want to do that, but said no to the epidural. Two hours later, she decided to let them try one more time, and made them give her iv meds while they did the epidural, which this time the anesthesiologist placed along with a spinal. The spinal worked, but the wife kept saying that once it wore off the epidural probably wouldn't be working. They scoffed at her. But she was right. The spinal wore off and the epidural was not working. An hour later she really was 10cm. They went to the OR again. The wife pushed and yelled and screamed and pushed (she was very mad she went to all the trouble of having an epidural and it was not working!) and then, after about 30 minutes The wife heard the most precious sound in the world, a tiny cry. The wife was a mommy. The man was a daddy. And the daddy cut the infant's cord, as he lay on the mommy's tummy. He was Alexander. He was perfect.

Then the drs and nurses took him away and began to work on his tiny body, assessing him and giving him oxygen. Then mommy's dr then told her something terrifying. Baby B had flipped over. She gave the option of a csection or her pulling him out. AS soon as the Dr said it was safe, the mommy said "go for it" and the Dr did. She pulled him out by his feet. Only two pushes from Mommy and he was here. Max was here. They were a family. A mommy, a daddy and two beautiful sons. God is very good to allow such things. The doctors and nurses took Max away to assess and work on him. He didn't cry until he was over at their station.

This worried Mommy. Daddy followed the drs and nurses around and made sure the boys were safe and ok. The Dr fixed the mommy up. The boys were cleaned up and wheeled over for Mommy to say goodbye. Goodbye for 29 hours. The same amount of time she had labored. This 29 hours was much much harder though. She missed her little guys very much. On the way to the NICU, the boys met their grandparents, who marveled at their beauty and health. They praised God. We praise God. For you my sons, we praise Him. Though the time when you came into the world was hard, and filled with trials, we praise Him. He took care of us, and we became a family. And the Mommy and the Daddy and Max and Alexander would be together again, but that story , along with many others is for another time.

 The End

Stay tuned for more information on the boys first days of life,  as well as updates, and photos.